Effective Parenting Strategies for Teens | Darryl Sollerh

 parting, we would like to circle back to  Preface to this guide and revisit what we consider perhaps the most essential parental strategy of all: understanding and navigating teenage behavior. Regardless of how confusion, challenge, or crisis moments with your teenager arise, they can unleash a tsunami of hurt, anger, and frustration for any parent.

Parenting can be, at times, life’s greatest source of happiness or its most daunting challenge. It can be filled with rivers of joy or cascades of exasperation, marked by triumph and alarm, by confusion and intuition, frustration, and discovery, as well as anger and growth—all while demanding impossible tests of patience. We have always found that HOW a mom or dad responds to a challenge can often be as important, if not more so, than WHAT he or she says or does.

In parting, we would like to circle back to what we consider perhaps the most essential parental strategy of all: understanding and navigating teenage behavior. 

Regardless of how confusion, challenge, or crisis moments with your teenager arise, they can unleash a tsunami of hurt, anger, and frustration for any parent.

During such moments, a rush of worry, and perhaps even panic, may flood through you, leading to gut-wrenching questions: What does this mean? Why are they behaving this way? What else might be happening in my child's life that I don't know about? How can I be the parent I want to be in dealing with this?

In what can be a shocking, if not disconcerting, time, your first and best strategy is always to STOP! Take a step back, take a deep breath, and give yourself a moment for self-reflection. You don’t need to have the answer immediately. You can simply reassure your son or daughter, "This is serious. I'll need some time to think about it."

Allow yourself the time and space to think calmly and clearly so you can respond accordingly rather than merely reacting to the urgency of the situation. Your response doesn’t need to be flawless or ideal; it needs to come from a place of heartfelt responsibility and thoughtful authority. Remember: How you respond can be pivotal in parenting.

First, seek to truly understand the reasons behind your child’s behavior before considering consequences. Above all, as tempting or justified as it might feel, do not escalate a challenge into a crisis or a crisis into a catastrophe.

Once you have achieved emotional stabilization, the next step is determining your response. At this delicate crossroads, it is crucial not to create consequences that inadvertently encourage the very teenage behavior you aim to discourage.

So, BEFORE, DURING, and AFTER those moments of inevitable challenges, strive to let your children see you working towards greater self-awareness as well. This way, they won't view you as a "Do as I say, not as I do" parent but as a person continually striving to understand and improve, providing your child with invaluable life lessons.

A little humor along the way can also lighten the load, as we are all—children and parents alike—not exactly faultless, shall we say? So find ways to laugh as a family about our human foibles, helping each other navigate our inevitable blind spots in the process.

Lastly, make sure they understand that the consequences you impose are not for suffering's sake but to draw their attention back to the valuable lessons you intend to teach them.

Remember, parenting is not about achieving perfection. It’s about giving your children your best and leading them through this intricate dance so they too can learn to lead their own one day—openly, honestly, compassionately, and responsibly—on paths that lead to peace, integrity, love, and joy. ~ Darryl Sollerh with Leslie King, LCSW