Bullying Awareness | Darryl Sollerh

sslWSCLnIn ongoing situations, it may be necessary to reach out to the bully's parents as a first step. If the situation does not improve, it's essential to inform teachers and school administrators. A coordinated response from adults can be instrumental in stopping bullying, so parents should not hesitate to take action when needed. However, since teasing can be a regular part of middle school life, it’s important for parents to differentiate between normal peer interactions and the harmful behaviors that constitute bullying. When teasing is mutual, it can be benign and even enjoyable, but when it's one-sided, it crosses the line into bullying. ~ Darryl Sollerh with  h e

Surprising? 

Not when we realize that bullying, in all of its varied forms, aims to shame, humiliate and denigrate, driving many kids to suffer in silence. They often feel that admitting to being bullied qualifies as an additional offense, worthy of even more mockery, intimidation, and derision. 

As a result, your child may hide or deny their experiences, shamed into silence by the very kids who need to be identified and confronted by the adults around them. 

Moreover, they may fear that alerting you or one of their teachers will only make them a bigger target, further labeling them as weak for seeking adult intervention. In the realm of middle school dynamics, this can create a vicious cycle, subjecting them to ongoing and often increasing physical or psychological assault. 

Yet even with the growing awareness of bullying in recent years, it remains a regular experience for many middle school children, made worse by the impact of social media and texting. 

Thus, it falls largely to parents to be vigilant—both regarding the child who is being bullied and the child who may be doing the bullying. 

With that in mind, it serves all of us well to enhance our understanding of what bullying is, how it can unfold, and what might be motivating a bully, as well as how your child can address these issues with your help. 

Regarding those who bully, the oft-cited belief that bullies were themselves bullied or intimidated is simply not true for many. Some derive satisfaction from humiliating and injuring others, often to compensate for their own feelings of inadequacy. 

In today's digital age, the tools of torment are no longer confined to the school playground; they can follow a victim home, making finding sanctuary increasingly difficult. Indeed, a single click can set off an unrelenting onslaught of mockery and rumor-mongering, driving some of our nation's children to tragic outcomes. This reality shocks and sobers us, yet has not led to the systemic-wide awareness and changes needed to effectively combat bullying. 

And it's not just boys who engage in bullying behavior, as some might assume. A middle school gymnast at the top of her class declined to participate in mocking a classmate, inadvertently drawing the bully’s wrath and becoming a target herself. The situation escalated to the point where her mother, shocked by the online vitriol aimed at her daughter, felt compelled to talk to school administration. In a meeting with the other parents, one family was apologetic for their daughter’s role, while the bully's parents became defensive, accusing the gymnast of initiating the conflict. 

Therefore, bullying can take many forms, including internet harassment, particularly among girls. It's important to consider that other students can unwittingly provide an audience for the bully, who often seeks to have their intimidating behaviors recognized. Research shows that it only takes one or two bystanders to object to bullying behavior to deter the bully. 

Additionally, the child being bullied doesn’t have to fit the stereotype of a weakling; they can be a talented and successful student, which often incites envy and bullying. 

Signs that your child may be experiencing bullying include feelings of isolation, a growing dislike of school, headaches, stomachaches, or sleep disturbances—all symptoms of stress or anxiety. 

Unfortunately, they may be slow to confide in you, fearing that an adult might inadvertently worsen the situation. Therefore, if a parent suspects their child is enduring bullying, it can be helpful to ask them if they have noticed any bullying at school and to discuss what they have seen, rather than starting with questions about their own experiences. 

Parents should be aware that a perceived “difference” in their child might make them a target for bullying, based on anything from physical appearance to personal interests. 

From a parenting standpoint, it is crucial for moms and dads to manage their initial reactions to their child being bullied. Instant reactions of rage can increase anxiety for the child, while dismissing their troubles might further crush their self-esteem. Instead, parents should take bullying seriously, providing support without letting their own feelings about bullies lead to rash actions. 

Striking a balance in how to handle these situations is critical. If you or your child can discuss the situation openly, they may learn to respond to the bully's provocations with humor rather than anger. If that's not possible, remaining composed until away from the bully can prevent further escalation. Walking away and seeking help from nearby adults is also a viable strategy, even if middle schoolers may be reluctant to do so. 

Some specific tactics include interrupting the bully's taunts by addressing them directly with questions or refusing to engage. Though this may require stepping outside of customary politeness, it can shift the dynamic and provide your child with an exit strategy. Advising your child to stay calm and not react negatively to bullying can dissuade a bully from targeting them in the future. 

In ongoing situations, it may be necessary to reach out to the bully's parents as a first step. If the situation does not improve, it's essential to inform teachers and school administrators. A coordinated response from adults can be instrumental in stopping bullying, so parents should not hesitate to take action when needed. However, since teasing can be a regular part of middle school life, it’s important for parents to differentiate between normal peer interactions and the harmful behaviors that constitute bullying. When teasing is mutual, it can be benign and even enjoyable, but when it's one-sided, it crosses the line into bullying. ~ Darryl Sollerh with  Leslie King, LCSW