Goodbye to Your Senior | Darryl Sollerh

During the fall semester of a high school senior's year, the details and demands for the college-bound student seem to multiply. From filling out and submitting numerous college applications to collecting recommendations, writing the 'common app essay', and taking one last shot at the SAT—while also keeping up with the escalating expectations of senior year assignments—busy doesn't begin to describe a time that can feel more like riding the Jet Stream than following a schedule. 

Yet amidst this whirlwind of activity, what often gets overlooked is the significant moment building up to high school graduation: when families say goodbye to their seniors, facing a major change in their home life as their seniors bid farewell to their parents and siblings, leaving behind the only life they’ve known. 

This is why much attention is frequently paid to the rush of senior year college preparation activities. Slowing down to reflect on the upcoming changes might overwhelm families and seniors alike, leading them to grapple with thoughts and feelings neither side may feel ready to address, especially as they navigate the transformations that neither can fully comprehend or bear to imagine. 

What often captures attention is the seemingly endless list of to-dos that dominate a family's time. When parents do manage to pause and consider what lies ahead, they often reflect on their own high school experiences and what their senior year was like. 

Did it feel like a jailbreak, or did they prefer to stay close to home? Depending on the sometimes complex emotions they felt upon leaving the nest, these reflections shape how parents view their senior's journey, whether their assumptions are accurate or not. 

On the other hand, the senior may be navigating a unique mix of exhilaration, fear, anxiety, and confusion about what this time means for them, trying to anticipate what this new phase may bring. It's a journey that their lives have been pointing towards, and with it comes tremendous fear of the 'undiscovered country' that awaits them. What seniors feel can often be very different from what their parents believe or expect. 

But one thing is certain for both parent and senior: a big change is on the horizon. This creates a sense of urgency in everything they do together or apart. Seniors may express their emotions by pushing back against their parents, while parents might find themselves tightening their grip, believing these last few months are their final chance to influence their departing child’s choices. When this tension meets the pressure of impending change, things can quickly spiral out of control. 

So, what can help during this transitional period? First and foremost, understanding is key. Both parents and seniors are experiencing a profound time of significant change—a mourning process of sorts. Yet, it's essential to recognize that the underlying sadness may not be as overwhelming as it seems. 

Both parties are letting go of a close connection, and daily opportunities to be together, even if those moments have frequently been taken for granted. Since both may be feeling conflicted about their new realities, it’s beneficial for each to slow down inwardly enough to acknowledge their emotions and anxieties. 

If you notice your senior putting on a brave face to assure everyone that all is well, or if they become moody or lash out in frustration, take these reactions as opportunities to explore what emotions may be lurking beneath the surface. 

In doing so, this surreal time can present real chances for heartfelt celebrations of achievements and a conscious release of what can be let go of for now. After all, there will be more opportunities for connection. Parents may be surprised to learn that their child will still need them and will remain an important part of their lives long after high school graduation and even after college. 

In these final precious moments, as the years of hard work seem to culminate in caps and gowns, it's crucial for parents to remember that life continues, as does their relationship with their child. Although it may feel bittersweet, senior year is also a season filled with joys and discoveries, ultimately strengthening the bond during this time of parting. ~ Darryl Sollerh with Leslie King, LCSW